"We all may be in the gutter

... but some of us are looking at the stars."

This is probably Oscar Wilde's most famous quote. Over time, it has been used so much that by now it's a little bit cliche; but it's still pretty good. Not my absolute favorite, but it fits my life right now. Which is why I named my blog what I did.

What it does for me is remind me to try and look on the bright side of things, however difficult that may be. Lately the stress from my job has been making it doubly hard, and I've been allowing myself to be pulled into that most abhorrent of black holes, self-pity.

UGH. There is only one thing I hate more than allowing stress to turn me into a grouchy-pants, and that's feeling sorry for myself. Which kind of lends itself into a nice little cycle: I get stressed at work and get angry. Then I feel sorry for myself that I have to work in a place that makes me angry. And then I get angry at myself for feeling sorry for myself. It's a sad little ring around the rosy, and usually, I just fall right into it.

The past week has been hard for me. It may be partly due to my working 12 hours each on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, then working 8 hours on Thursday, going to traffic court, then working another 8 hours today. I am basically spent right now. And this probably contributed to my little dip in the pool of Woe-Is-Me.

Today, I woke up after not getting enough sleep, looked in the mirror, and thought how crappy I looked. Then I thought about how I didn't want to go to work, then I thought about how our apartment is too small and I can't have a dog and none of my clothes fit me and my family is full of crazies and I'm almost 25 and have done nothing that I wanted to do in life and we have no money and on and on and on.

I let myself get all caught up in everything that's wrong with my life, and spent the rest of the day wondering if I could check myself into the hospital for exhaustion like Lindsay Lohan did. I didn't want anything to do with life today. I wanted to hide from it, or punch it in the face.

Instead I went into work and tried to put on my best smiley face, but it didn't work because I was still having those negative thoughts. I continued to dwell on everything that I think sucks about my life, and I got more and more upset and anxious until I felt trapped and without hope for anything. Then work stress just added to my mood.

I carried this pessimism home with me, and brooded for a few hours. I got even more depressed while looking for a new job online and finding no prospects.

Then Charlotte called me and asked me for a favor, which was to pick her up at the train station and drive her to a restaurant to meet her dad, because she'd missed her original train. Which I was happy to do because she is one of the most amazing people on this planet and I would do anything for her. I didn't think twice. Friends help each other out. When I picked her up, we caught up and talked about life, and I complained some, and she complained less, and we commiserated.

And I realized that here is a good reason to be happy with my life: I have got some of the best fucking friends I could ever ask for. There is not a single one of them who I don't find some greatness in. There is not a single one of them who does not inspire me. And Charlotte is always there for me, and always willing to listen to my crap, even when it's some silly complaint I've spit out a thousand times. She never tells me I'm being stupid or that my bitching irritates her. She just listens and lets me get everything out. She is an amazing person, and I am lucky to have someone like her as a friend.

So I thought about all the good things in my life: my awesome friends, my wonderful boyfriend, his cool family, my family (crazies or not, I love them), my cat, good books, good music, good movies, good food. I have a roof over my head and I have a car that functions. I get enough to eat and I have health insurance. Even though I've gained weight from PCOS, I still get compliments. Even though I don't have a college education, people still look to me for answers to their questions. And on. And on. And on.

The thing is, Charlotte helped me realize what a jerk I was being, all wrapped up in my own problems. I actually have it pretty good compared to millions of other people in the world. Sure, my circumstances at the moment aren't ideal. Of course I'd like things to get better. But until I break the cycle of self-loathing and self-pity, they won't.

Life is how you perceive it to be. If you think life is a great adventure, then it is. If you think life sucks, it does.

I think I finally realize this.